Funny Saying Im Sicker Than a

Stephanie shows off her quirky humor by taking a new slant on various current topics.

Whatcha gonna do when the crick runs dry? — Whatcha gonna practice when the crick runs dry?

Stephanie Henkel

Translating Southern Sayings

As a transplanted Yankee living in the South, I am oft surprised and amazed by the colorful Southern expressions I hear. Of course, there are the skillful old standbys nosotros all know and love, like "y'all" and "downwards yonder." Just the richness of Southern speech goes far beyond ane or two-discussion expressions. There's a Southern expression for every occasion.

While their images and colloquialisms tickle the funny bone, Southern expressions normally convey exactly what the speaker intended. No one tin error the intent and meaning of "I'1000 going to jerk a knot in your tail!" On the other hand, there are some Southernisms that information technology might have a Yankee like me years to figure out without a translator.

For example, here is an expression I've never ever heard above the Mason-Dixon line: "That possum's on the stump!" (Translation: That's as good equally it gets!)

Or this one: "His heart is a thumpin' gizzard." (Translation: He'due south cold-hearted and cruel.)

Whether you are from some other part of the state or from another country birthday, I hope yous enjoy this collection of Southern sayings.

When a Southerner Gets Angry

He's got a burr in his saddle.
His knickers are in a knot.
She's pitching a hissy fit.
She's pitching a hissy fit with a tail on it. (When she's more pissed off.)
He has a duck fit. (1 step above a hissy fit.)
She has a dying duck fit. (Translation: Run and hide!)

Southern Sayings About Bad Character

You're lower than a serpent's belly in a carriage oestrus.
He's slicker'northward owl sh*t.
She'southward meaner than a wet panther.
He's a snake in the grass.
Why, that egg-suckin' dawg!
Worthless as gum on a boot heel!

When Southerners Are Decorated

I been running all over hell's half acre.
She's busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor.
I'yard as busy as a 1-legged cat in a sandbox.
Busier than a moth in a mitten!

Running like a headless chicken.

Stephanie Henkel

Southern Sayings About Conceit and Vanity

She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.
She'due south stuck up higher than a light-pole.
She has her nose so loftier in the air she could drown in a rainstorm.
He thinks the dominicus comes up simply to hear him crow.

(Most of these comments are made virtually women. Patently, Southern men are non stuck upward.)

Southern Expressions About Being Cheap

He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.
He's tighter than a bull's ass at fly time.
Tighter than a flea's donkey over a rain butt.
He's then cheap he wouldn't give a nickel to see Jesus ridin' a bicycle.

Southern Phrases About Being Broke or Poor

As well poor to pigment, too proud to whitewash.
I'chiliad equally poor as a church mouse.
I'thou so poor I can't afford to pay attending.
He was so poor, he had a tumbleweed as a pet.
I couldn't buy a hummingbird on a string for a nickel.
I'1000 so poor I couldn't bound over a nickel to save a dime.
He doesn't accept a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

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Dressed Too Scantily? They Volition Say

Those pants were so tight I could meet her faith.
Her pants are then tight that if she farts information technology'll blow her boots off
You lot're gonna accept onetime and new-monia dressed like that!
Lawd, people volition exist able to see to Christmas!
Constabulary, pull that down! We kin see articulate to the promised land!

Southerners Experiencing a Drought Might Say

It's so dry the copse are bribing the dogs.
I swan, y'all all musta pissed God off somehow. It's drier than a popcorn fart 'round these parts. (Translation: Ya got me... I don't know what a popcorn fart is!)

Confused? In the South, They Might Say

He doesn't know whether to check his ass or scratch his watch.
He couldn't find his donkey with both easily in his dorsum pockets.
He'due south about equally dislocated as a fart in a fan manufacturing plant.
She's lost every bit last year's Easter egg.

(As we Yankees say, "These people don't know which way is up.")

Southerners Know Happiness When They See It

He's as happy as if he had good sense.
Happier than ol' Bluish layin' on the porch chewin' on a big ol' catfish head.
Happy every bit a dead pig in the sunshine. (Translation: Apparently pretty happy.)
Grinnin' like a possum eatin' a sweet tater.
Well that merely dills my pickle.

Expressions Most Laziness

Won't hitting a lick at a snake. (Translation: And so lazy he wouldn't chase a snake away.)
He's well-nigh equally useful equally a steering bike on a mule.

Irritation Brings Out Some Creative Southern Expressions

She gets my goose.
He just makes my donkey itch!
Yankees are similar hemorrhoids: Pain in the butt when they come down and always a relief when they go back upwardly.
That would make a bishop mad enough to kick in stained glass windows.
She could brand a preacher cuss!
She could piss off the pope.
If you don't stop that crying, I'll give you something to weep well-nigh!
Who licked the red off your processed?
She could start an argument in an empty house.
He's well-nigh every bit useless as a screen door on a submarine/a trapdoor on a canoe.
That makes nigh as much sense every bit tits on a bull.
Quit goin' effectually your donkey to get to your elbow.

Colorful Southern Expressions Most Liars

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rainin'!
Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining.
That dog won't hunt.
You're lyin' like a no-legged dog!
If his lips'southward movin', he's lyin'.
You'd call an alligator a lizard.
That man is talking with his tongue out of his shoe.
He'south as windy as a sack full of farts.

(The nearly creative expression virtually liars I've heard in the North is "Lying like a carpet." Southerners have much more colorful means of accusing a liar.)

Southernisms Most Stupidity

If that male child had an idea, information technology would die of loneliness.
The porch light's on, merely no one's home.
He'southward only got one oar in the h2o.
If brains were leather, he wouldn't have enough to saddle a junebug.
He'southward so impaired, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
He hasn't got the sense God gave a goose.
When the Lord was handin' out brains, that fool thought God said trains, and he passed 'crusade he don't like to travel.
His brain rattles around like a BB in a boxcar.
At that place'southward a tree stump in a Louisiana swamp with a higher IQ.
So dumb he couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.
He don't know south**t from shinola. (Now this one I've heard in New Jersey....)
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose.
I was born at nighttime, only not final nighttime! (I'1000 not that stupid!)

He is so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss. — He is so impaired, he could throw himself on the basis and miss.

If You Hear These Southern Expressions, You Amend Watch Out

Either somebody'south in real problem, or at that place'south a fight brewing if you hear...

I'm gonna cut your tail!
I'thousand gonna jerk her bald!
Keep it upwardly and I'll cancel your birth certificate.
I am going to jerk a knot in your tail.
Yous don't know dip sh** from apple butter!
Me-n-you are gonna mix.
You don't watch out, I'm gonna cream yo' corn.
You better requite your heart to Jesus, 'cause your barrel is mine.
I'll slap you to sleep, then slap you for sleeping.
I'thousand gonna tan your hide.
I'll knock you into the eye of adjacent week looking both ways for Dominicus!
I'll knock you then hard you'll come across tomorrow today.

Southern Expressions for Speed (Fast or Slow)

Faster than a one-legged man in a barrel-kicking competition.
Faster than green grass through a goose.
Faster than a hot knife through butter.
Slower than a Sunday afternoon.
You took as long equally a month of Sundays.
We're off like a herd of turtles.
He ran like a scalded haint. (I don't know what a "haint" is, simply apparently a scalded i can run really fast!)
Information technology happened faster than a knife fight in a telephone booth.

Ugly or Looking Bad?

Now these are really unkind, but funny as heck!

He's so ugly, he didn't become striking with the ugly stick, he got whopped with the whole woods!
He fell out of the ugly tree and striking every branch on the way downwards.
So ugly she'd brand a freight train take a clay road.
And then ugly he'd scare a buzzard off a gut pile.
She's so ugly I'd hire her to haunt a house!
If I had a dog as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
She is so ugly, her face would turn sweetness milk to clabber.
She was so ugly when she was born that her momma used to borrow a baby to have to church building on Dominicus

When the ugliness is simply temporary:

I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out.
I feel like I been 'et by a wolf and sh** over a cliff.
He looks similar 10 miles of bad route.
Y'all look like you've been rode difficult and put upwardly wet!

If he were an inch taller, he'd be round. — If he were an inch taller, he'd exist round.

Southern Observations About...

Weight

He's so skinny, if he stood sideways and stuck out his tongue, he'd expect similar a zipper.
She's so skinny, yous can't even see her shadow.
She's spread out like a common cold supper.
If he were an inch taller, he'd be round.

Wealth

Sh**can' in high cotton.
He's richer'n Croesus.
He'due south so rich he buys a new boat when he gets the other 1 wet.

Good Looking Guys and Gals

Fine as frog hair divide iv ways!
She'southward pretty as a pumpkin but one-half as smart.

Being Hungry

I'm so hungry my abdomen thinks my pharynx's been cut.
I could consume the n end of a south-bound polecat.
I'g then hungry I could eat the north cease of a southward-bound goat.

Existence Well-Fed or Good Nutrient

Full equally a tick.
Put that on peak of your head and your natural language would trounce your brains out trying to get to information technology

Being Suprised

These are probably some of my very favorites!

Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
Well, slap my head and call me light-headed!

When Something Smells Really Bad

He smelled bad enough to gag a maggot.
Something smells bad enough to knock a domestic dog off a gut wagon.

Colorful Expressions Almost the Weather condition

Like some of the other Southern phrases, a few of these might not be appropriate in mixed company.

Colder than a well digger'southward butt in January.
It was colder than a witch'due south tit in a brass bra.
That rain was a real frogwash.
It rained like a cow pissin' on a flat rock.
Hotter than blue blazes.
It's colder than a penguin'southward balls.
Information technology'southward hotter than two rabbits screwin' in a wool sock!
Information technology's cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.
Colder than a banker'south heart on foreclosure solar day at the widows' and orphans' home.
Information technology's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.
Information technology's cold enough to freeze the tit off a frog.
It is hotter than a jalapeño's coochie.

All-Purpose Southern Expressions We Couldn't Do Without

Yous.
All y'all.
Downwardly yonder.
Bless your pea-pickin' lilliputian centre!
Kiss my go-to-hell.
I wouldn't walk across the street to piss on him if he was on fire.
If you can't run with the big dogs, stay under the porch.
Why and so sorry? Did Chevrolet stop makin' trucks?
Deep in the South where sushi is still called allurement.
He'due south most as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
That sticks in your throat like a hair in a biscuit.
You're and then fulla due south**t your eyes are brown.
He was as nervous as a long-tailed true cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.
He couldn't behave a tune if he had a saucepan with a lid on it.

The Southern word for "sushi" is "bait." — The Southern word for "sushi" is "allurement."

Southern Slang


Give-and-take	Part of speech	Translation	Example
bread basket	substantive	tummy	His bread basket is bigger than a staff of life handbasket, if you know what I mean.
britches	noun	pants	HIs britches are then tight they make his legs look like hot dogs.
cattywampus	describing word	askew or amiss; cockeyed	The tempest knocked the clothes on the clothesline all cattywampus!
fetch/fetching	verb/adjective	go get/good looking	I'm gonna fetch me the most fetching colt I tin can discover.
fixin'	verb	getting ready	I'g fixin' to set the porch door later I finish this sweet tea.
gussied up	describing word	dressed up; fancy	She's so gussied up yous'd think information technology was a dazzler contest.
hankerin'	verb or substantive	hunger or yearning	I accept a hankerin' for biscuits and gravy.
highfalutin'	describing word	fancy, pompous, or pretentious	He'due south so highfalutin' he thinks his sh*t tastes like sherbert.
lick	noun	a small amount	I can't hear a lick with all this hooplah.
piddlin'	adjective or verb	fiddling, puttering, or pottering around	Quit your piddlin' and go to work!
plumb	adjective	entirely, completely	She's plumb crazy.
ruckus	substantive	a disturbance or commotion	He made such a ruckus he woke the possums.
skedaddle	verb	run away; hurry	You amend skedaddle before you get caught!
uppity	adjective	haughty, big-headed	He'due south so uppity he deserves a PhD in snobbery.
whup	verb	whip or beat	I'm gonna whup you where the sun don't shine!

Southern Expression Poll

Did she just fall off the turnip truck? — Did she just autumn off the turnip truck?

That'due south All She Wrote...

Well, that's all she wrote, you. I've looked all over hell and one-half of Georgia to notice the best and funniest Southern sayings for all y'all, and I sure promise they tickled you equally much as they tickled me.

And if you accept whatever more fine Southern sayings, well, bless yer pea pickin' hearts, just let 'er rip, irish potato flake, and jot them down in the comments department beneath. I'one thousand just happier than a expressionless squealer in sunshine to have all y'all visiting me here today and taking the time to sit awhile and share your thoughts.

If you enjoyed this, exist sure to check out More Funny Southern Sayings and Southernisms from Readers.

Yankees simply can't laissez passer for Southerners!

Questions & Answers

Question: Don't yous recall the "pants and then tight you lot tin tell his religion" refers to men and circumcision?

Answer: No, I don't. Generally, I take not heard comments about men'south pants at all.

Question: I didn't abound up in the south, but I did grow upwardly a land boy in Iowa. Nearly all of these sayings were part of my growing up. The one proverb which I truly don't understand is "Well, bless your heart". Some people say it'south a derogatory statement, others have told me it's a good thing. What gives?

Reply: "Bless your eye" is sort of an all-purpose expression. It tin exist used to mean anything from, "you sweet affair" to "you're an idiot".

For instance, "She takes such skillful care of her elderly momma and daddy, bless her heart." or

"He doesn't take the sense to come in out of the rain, bless his heart."

It is just one of those sayings that you accept to hear in context to understand what meaning is intended.

Question: Have you heard anyone say "Oh, my hind human foot!"? My female parent and aunts used to say this if they thought someone was telling a tall tale. I've said it so often to my grand nieces every bit they were growing upwardly, this expression is now used by the girls. Whatsoever idea where this one originated?

Answer: I don't know where this expression originated, but, yes, I have heard it. There is some other similar expression that is unremarkably used, only is a niggling more vulgar. I think the "oh, my hind foot" expression is just a cleaned up version of, "oh, my a**."

Question: Happy every bit a lart? I've heard the expression 100 times but non sure if lart is the right give-and-take or if I've been misunderstanding

Answer: I believe that the expression is "Happy equally a lark", a bird noted for it'due south cheerful, happy song.

Question: Would delight explicate the expression 'speak of the devil,' and verify that it is a Southern maxim?

Respond: "Speak of the devil" is function of the expression, "Speak of the devil and he shall appear." The expression is used when one is speaking nigh a person who is absent and so suddenly shows upwardly. It was also in one case used to warn against maxim the devil's name for fear he would announced.

The expression is former and could have originated equally an old English language saying. It is not a specially a Southern saying.

Question: What does the phrase "he's dumber than a mud fence" mean?

Answer: Pretty impaired!

Question: What does it mean when people start a sentence with "law?" I've enjoyed reading these. I lived in Alabama in the early fifties later on living my first few years in Brazil, Ginny, I assumed everyone the United states spoke like this dorsum then.

Reply: I recollect that "law" is really a form of "Lord", mayhap calling on the lord tor aid or agreement.

Question: Do y'all accept any insight on where the expression "I'm going to the house" comes from? Also, practice yous have whatever good comebacks when someone asks y'all, "What do you know?"

Answer: "I'one thousand going to the firm" is such a common expression, I'g non certain it originated in any specific region.

"What do you know?" Information technology's always been a rhetorical question, just I imagine someone with a quick wit could come upwards with a funny, sarcastic answer. I oasis't heard any particular witty comebacks lately, though, accept y'all?

Question: What is the meaning of the Southern saying "Low in the pigsty"?

Answer: I have non heard that one earlier, but I would guess that information technology means "go along your head down if you want to avoid trouble". Perhaps it's a term carried over from wartime when soldiers hid in foxholes to avoid enemy fire?

Question: Is there a southern way to say Merry Christmas?

Answer: Yes, Merry Christmas.

Question: What does "Wake with the Southward In My Mouth" mean? Does that mean a Southern emphasis?

Answer: I haven't heard that expression, but your explanation sounds likely.

Question: What does it mean when someone says "Yous're sexier than socks on a rooster"?

Answer: I guess you lot're pretty sexy!

Question: Great collection you lot have here. I am from the south and take ever enjoyed the expression "grinning like a jack-ass eating briars" when someone is overly proud of themselves or merely has a lightheaded grin on their face up. I also like sarcastically stating something is "as pretty as a spotted poodle with the pink mange." My question though is almost the assertion "Well my lands!" or "Oh my lands!" Do you accept whatever idea of its origin?

Answer: I've heard the expression often. "Oh, my lands," or "state sakes," seems to be a deliberate substitution for Lord, a minced oath.

Question: I'g from Northern Alabama. Here in Appalachia, we've heard all of these and many more than. 1 expression that I've never been able to detect was ane used in my family. It was used to described a function of something beingness assembled incorrectly. Example: "That'due south not going to work, son. Y'all've got that role on there Incorrect Sudadderds." (Spelling a phonetic guess). Whatsoever idea?

Respond: I've never heard the expression "wrong sudadderds", just it'due south an interesting mode of proverb "assbackwards!"

Question: What does the southern saying "yuns" mean?

Answer: Yuns is a shortened version of "you lot ones", like to "you all".

Question: Is there a saying for that pleasant fourth dimension around dusk when the temperature cools off in a few minutes, in a pleasant way?

Answer: I just came across a discussion in a Dean Koontz book that I'm reading that might exist what you are looking for: "darkling" or "darkle". It'southward not a southern expression, but might fit the bill.

Question: Practise you think that "bless her/your/his heart" is an insult?

Answer: Well... it all depends on who is saying it and the intention. It can definitely exist a softly worded insult, or it tin can mean something very complimentary.

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